Friday, January 21, 2011

More Awful Tooths

I remembered another dentist story.  This one happened during a cleaning...I had my mouth cranked open until my jaw creaked, trying to make room for the hygienist to groom my back teeth with her Pointy Hook of Discomfort, but there was still barely room for her to manoeuvre.  She was like "You have a really small mouth, huh?"

And - god knows why - I replied "Yup.  I guess we all know what I'm not good at."

Then my sense of propriety kicked in (about twelve seconds too late, as usual) and silently screamed OMG DUMBASS YOU JUST INVITED THIS RANDOM LADY TO PICTURE YOU TRYING TO WEDGE A PENIS INTO YOUR MOUTH*  I wanted to facepalm but that would probably have driven the Pointy Hook of Discomfort down my throat so I refrained.  Instead I just waited to see how the hygienist would react.

She blithely said, "Hey, what you do on your own time is your business" and kept right on picking my teeth, unfazed.  So that's cool.

Oh!  And another time, I was at the dentist to see if the suspicious lines running diagonally across my two front crowns were scratches or cracks.  They were cracks - crowns are supposed to last for ten to fifteen years, yet somehow I'd cracked these after only two.  My dentist said "You must have quite a bite."  I almost quipped back "That's what they tell me!" but managed to stop myself in time - probably because I remembered my shame from last time and didn't want to repeat it.  Alluding to one's boudoir quirks at the dentist's office is Not Okay, people.  Think before you speak.

*And now you're all picturing it, too!  Huzzah!  But I know your dirty little minds would've gone to that place, anyway, just from reading the first paragraph of this story.  I really only said what everyone was thinking.

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