Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Damn you, winter. Damn you to HELL!

I'm not a fan of winter.  I think it boils down to three factors: the cold, the dark, and the snow/ice.  If any one of those things were taken away, I'd be fine.

The cold: if the temperature in winter stayed in a spring or summerlike zone, I wouldn't care so much about the limited sunlight or the snow and ice on the ground making it hard to get around (I know it's impossible to have snow and ice in 15 degree Celsius weather.  This is a theoretical discussion and I can bend the rules of physics however I want).

The dark: not only are the nights longer in winter, the sunlight during the day is kind of pale and wussy.  If winter light could be happy and yellow and last 12 hours a day, it'd perk my mood right up and I wouldn't mind the cold and snow so much.

Snow/ice: it seems patently unfair that not only do we get coldness and darkness in winter, we also get crap all over the ground that makes it difficult or even dangerous to get around.  It's like Mother Nature is kicking us while we're down.  If winter could be precipitation-less, or if the snow could somehow fall only on lawns and not on sidewalks, roads, or parking lots, that would be awesome. Imagine: you're walking to the store in winter.  It's 6pm and already dark out, and it's so cold you're shivering and huddled into your coat.  But the ground is perfectly clear and unobstructed and you can stride quickly and confidently to your destination.

People should ask me how to run the planet.  I have good ideas.


  1. Do you wear a hat in winter? The figure I remember is people typically lose about 40% of the total heat they lose through their heads. Or does the mohawk make that impossible? I never had one so I don't know.

  2. When I did have the 'hawk, I didn't fully spike it up most of the time so it wasn't too big a deal. However, over the weekend I had The Boy buzz me down to a chelsea and now I'm impervious to hathead MUAH HA HA HA!!!

    A few years ago, this guy I know started growing a beard and said he was doing it for winter, to keep him warm. I thought he was kidding but now I can say from personal experience that when your hair is very short, even an extra 1/8th of an inch makes a noticeable difference temperature wise! My head gets very very cold and I've been layering two toques. :)

  3. Is the outer one one of these, or is that too geeky?

  4. There's no such thing as "too geeky"! Having said that, I never really caught on to the Cthulu meme...my outer hat is a knitted black earflap hat with ears and a kitty face.

    I also own the most awesome, obnoxious hat in the world - it's kind of a cross between a polar bear plushie and an earflap hat - picture one of those huge furry Russian hats but with a snout projecting from the front. It's amazingly warm, but I can't find it and so I'm resorting to the twoque as a stopgap solution.