Thursday, December 30, 2010

An open letter to George Lucas

Dear George (can I call you George?),

The Star Wars franchise holds a nostalgic place in my heart.  Episode IV came out when I was three or four and my parents took me to see it in the theatre; it was quite possibly the first movie I'd ever seen.  Later on, I saw Episodes V and VI in the theatre and enjoyed them quite a bit.  And episodes I, II and III are...also examples of films you have made.  Anyhoo.

One of the things I like about the Star Wars movies is that certain villains are named after English words with the the prefix "in-" removed, like Darth Vader* and Darth Sidious.  I've taken the liberty of making up some more totally rad villain names for you in case you want to make more Star Wars movies someday and can't think of any:

Darth Carcerated
Darth Cestuous
Darth Toxicated
Darth Ept
Darth Capacitated
Darth Sipid

Oh, but let's not forget Darth Maul, where you clearly said to your creative team, "Guys, let's throw all attempts at subtlety out the window and flat-out name this guy after the fact that he mutilates people."  That was awesome.  If you want some more names that describe what a villain does to his enemies, I came up with these:

Darth Wedgie
Darth Noogie
Darth Kidneypunch
Darth Defenestrate

And if it's okay to depart from the formula and take the beginnings off long words that don't start with "in," I also have:

Darth Turbation
Darth Latulence
Darth Lamydia
Darth Crastinator

Like I said, you can totally use these.  I don't need them for anything.  And I'm not even asking for any money!

If you do use any of my ideas in one of your movies, though, it'd be really nice if you could put my name in the credits.  But only if you want to.  And only after all the actors have already been listed...I don't need to be first or anything.

May the force be with you,

*Okay, my boyfriend just told me you got the name Vader from the word for "father" in German or Latin or something.  But we both know you also noticed the similarity to the word "invader" and thought "OMFG cool".  Right?

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