Kids and dogs

I was the kind of kid who got picked on a lot in school (shockingly, being precocious, socially awkward, and freakishly tall is not a recipe for grade-school popularity.  Oh, and also I had glasses and braces.  And my clothes never fit right because of my extreme tallness.  And I had a few years where I cut my own hair). 

Since then, I haven't really hung out with kids too much; I don't have kids of my own, my friends don't have kids, I'm an only child so there are no nieces or nephews...basically what I'm saying is that the last time I spent any substantial amount of time with children, it was recess and they were chasing me through the schoolyard with sharpened sticks or something.  I don't know how to relate to kids as an adult.

A while back, a friend and I were in a restaurant waiting for a table.  A couple with a little girl was also waiting, and my friend started making small talk with this little girl: "Hi there!  I like your dress.  Are you having lunch with your mom and dad?  What are you going to eat?"  And I was amazed by this because I never know what the hell to say to kids.  I mean, at times in my life I've felt called upon to acknowledge the existence of a child (when someone brings their spawn to work to meet everyone, for instance), and I draw a total blank.  I'm like, "Um, hey. What's up?" and so far no toddler has ever given me a satisfying answer.

I do have the capacity for gentle, playful banter, though.  I know this because I've caught myself talking that way to random dogs that I pass on the street.  I always pretty much ignore the owner and focus entirely on the dog: "Hi there!  Look how pretty you are.  Did you go to the park with your daddy?  Did you have fun?  Were you a good doggie?"  I know that dogs probably don't understand my questions and definitely won't answer them, but I try to engage them in conversation anyway.

Perhaps the solution to my awkwardness with kids is to pretend that they're dogs (commence with the leg-humping jokes...NOW!).

Yesterday morning I was walking past a school bus that was stopped at a red light and a girl inside tappity-tapped on the window to get my attention.  When I looked up, she waved at me.  It didn't seem malicious, so I smiled at her.  She smiled back, and I kept walking.  It was nice.

That's the other thing: even though I feel awkward as hell around children, they usually seem fascinated by me.  Probably because I look like a cartoon.

Children respond to me for some reason.