Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sad bastard with a paintbrush

Every tube of black paint that I own has the lid so badly stuck on that I can't remove it.  I've been puncturing the tubes with a pin and squeezing paint out the side instead.  It comes out in a thin little drizzle, like Wacky String.

My streak of breakuppish paintings continues.  I'll post pics...I dunno, sometime.  Soonish.

I've come up with a theory recently: I think it's impossible to fully get over someone until you're in a relationship with someone new.  This does not mean that it's a good idea to put up a personal ad twenty minutes after a breakup; a person needs to go through a lot of mourning, soul-searching, and self-esteem-rebuilding before they have any business trying to date.  I'm just saying that a new relationship is kind of the finishing touch - the cherry on the sundae, if you will - to a long and complex healing process.  And I did not know that before.

During the years that followed my divorce, I went through the requisite period of extreme bitterness where I was convinced that all relationships are doomed to unhappiness and failure.  Slowly, I healed to a point where I could allow myself to feel cautiously optimistic about love again - but my optimism was entirely theoretical, and I knew it.  In order to actually know that good and healthy relationships exist, I needed to experience one...and that's where The Boy came in.

Long story short: I thought I was entirely over the whole divorce thing but it turns out there was one last tiny bit to process.  I'm working through it via my paintings.  Once I've dealt with all that residual angst I am gonna feel so good.  Goddamn.

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