Monday, May 16, 2011

The World's Most Terrifying Animal

Canada geese scare the everlovin' fuck outta me.

They always hang out in parks and near bodies of water in spring and summer.  It's weird to think that these are wild animals - that undomesticated creatures are just kinda lounging around in public among humans.  Our two species seem to have reached a state of truce, though: the humans mind their own business and the geese mind theirs.  Unless, of course, the human being happens to be me.

For some reason, my presence incites Canada geese into insane fits of rage.  Any time I pass close to one - not being loud or disruptive or even making eye contact, mind you, just walking past - it hisses threateningly at me and then lunges at me.  I've never had one actually chase me - they just feint toward me and then sit back down again, probably laughing at my terror as I sprint away - but it's probably just a matter of time.

Anyway.  Today The Boy and I were walking somewhere and I was taunting him (I can't remember why) and he responded by calling out "Heeeeeere, goosey goosey goosey!" past my head and I realized we happened to be walking beside a park and that some fucking Canada geese were standing maybe twenty feet away.  I was like "Arrrrrgh, don't even joke about that, I hate geese!  I'm almost as afraid of them as I am of centipedes!" whereupon The Boy threatened to genetically engineer a bunch of centigeese that he would sic on me whenever I was mean to him.

So that is the world's most terrifying animal: the centigoose.  I even drew you a picture so you, too, can be traumatized by its extreme scariness:

"honk honk I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS honk"
What would your most terrifying hybrid animal be?  I'll draw the ones I like best and post them here!


  1. OH MY GOD! geese dont bother me (although the centigeese is pretty damn scary) but this post just reminded me of that movie form last year called the human centipede. do you know this movie? i havent seen it but i saw the trailer online and havent been the same since. the whole premise of the movie completely scares the shit out of me and im probably going to have nightmares tonight about some human/geese hybrid. thanks a lot!!!

  2. I've heard of this movie and know the premise (and couldn't help but be reminded of it, myself, while drawing the centigoose).

    I was also thinking that if enough dogs sniffed each other's butts, you could almost have a canine centipede! So cute! (And only mildly unsanitary.)

  3. i think the crazy doctor in the human centipede actual had a canine centipede that he had 'created' out of rottweilers ( i vaguely remember seeing a picture of it in the trailer i watched) before he moved on to creating the human centipede.

  4. I actually made the mistake of seeing the movie and it is remarkably disturbing. The acting and movie itself are better than I might have expected but it leaves an aftertaste that is hard to shake.

    I just had to see what all the fuss was about....

  5. I think I've finally reached a point where I know my limits. I'm not interested in seeing The Human Centipede and I've never been tempted to Google "Two Girls, One Cup". I've asked braver people to tell me in very vague terms what they're about so I don't feel left out, but...yeah.

    Curiosity ain't gonna kill this cat. :)