[The Boy and I are sitting on the couch, discussing how best to take photos of my paintings]
Me: ...Maybe if I stood back and used the camera zoom...?
Boy: You should never zoom unless you're using a tripod.
Me: You're a tripod!
Boy: Am not! That third appendage is clearly not a leg. It doesn't have a foot on the end of it.
Me: [Placing my foot on The Boy's lap]: it does now!
Boy: I see what you did there.
[As I remove my foot from The Boy's crotch, a bit of floor grit rubs off onto him.]
Boy: Please don't wipe gross things on my beautiful nutsack.