Saturday, April 2, 2011

Caturday: A Song For Birchy

So apparently some person named Rebecca Black sings a song called Friday, and this song is the worst thing in the history of ever.  I live a fairly sheltered life - I don't listen to the radio, rarely watch tv and haven't been doing much internetting lately - so it really says something that this information has somehow seeped into my consciousness.  It must be a really famous song for me to have heard of it, is what I'm saying.

I just watched the video on YouTube to see exactly how bad the song was.  It's...really very bad.  The lyrics are the worst part - they aren't poetic, don't say much of anything, don't conjure up any interesting imagery, and mostly don't even rhyme.  Here's a section from the start of the song:

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends) 

(I left out all the "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeahs" and "ohhhhs".  You're welcome.)

I can't help thinking that I could write something at least as good as here's an opus to my cat, Birch.  This is not meant to be sung to the tune of Friday, you understand.  This just in the style of Friday.


Ooooooh, yeah
Ooooooh, yeah
Meow meow meow baby
Ooooooh, yeah

Here comes Birch
Sitting on my head
Boy he sure does like to sit on my head
Now he's going over there gonna crinkle a plastic bag
Crinkle a plastic bag yeah
Ooooooh, yeah
Ooooooh, yeah
Meow meow meow baby
Ooooooh, yeah

Now I'm gonna feed him
Boy, cats sure do like eating food
But I guess if they didn't eat, they would eventually die
I give him dry food
Because canned cat food smells like a burning tire shoved into a dead guy's ass
And also it's a pain to open
Yummy yummy food, Birchy!
Gotta love that cat food, Birchy!

Ooooh yeah, talkin' bout cat food cat food cat food
Talkin' bout cat food

Ooooooh, yeah
Ooooooh, yeah
Meow meow meow baby
Ooooooh, yeah
Plastic bags and cat food baby

Now all I need is for a musician to read this, turn it into an actual song and post their performance on YouTube.  That would be freaking epic.  I'd send a link to everyone I've ever met in my life.

Any takers? :D


  1. I too am unfortunate enough to have heard the original song.

    Your version is infinitely better!

  2. Cute furry animals make everything good. :)